As long as you're not dating white guys again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
