from now on my penis is your penis
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I am naked and annoyed.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
