im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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