i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
