please come you make the beer taste better
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
