Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
