I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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