so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
