You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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