What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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