No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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