i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
