just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
