the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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