I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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