I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
