And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
