the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
