I wanna bring you to show and tell
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
