ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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