i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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