She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize