It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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