I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
