She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
