Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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