Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
