Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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