dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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