I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We talked him into tasing himself.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
