I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
