the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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