I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Drake has all the answers
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
