ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
