He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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