DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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