nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
