my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
