this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
