I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
