Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
