i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
