it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
