listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
