he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
