put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
