Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I wish there were birth control emojis
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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