"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
