I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
