I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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