never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
