Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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