There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
