You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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