You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
