Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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