were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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