before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
