it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
