True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I need to calm my uterus...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
