she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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