Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
