I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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