I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
