omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
