Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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