There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
