I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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