I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
