matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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