i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
