In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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