So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
