brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
