How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
