2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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