Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
